About space

I rarely, if ever, post about my personal life in this blog but tonight, I am going to make an exception to that rule. So many of you in the blogger world have been so kind and caring to be concerned that Lily is missing. I am filled with gratitude.

And, as of right now, she is still gone and the space she owns in my house that is now empty feels so big . I have had and loved and seen many of my animals pass to the Bridge and one just not come home again. I am always so surprised, amazed, confused, made to stop, at how big the space they own in my life, my house, and even the lives of my friends actually is. And what to do about that hole in the space that makes me feel whole is unanswerable. Time fills it, memories fill it. It's unthinkable that they will never fill it again.

These little beings have that come so quietly into my life and my heart are amazing gifts. I truly know it everyday but really know it when their spirit has left the room. It's a different feeling than when they are just out and about. It's a dull quiet.

And Iris...oh, Iris, my little bully, scared girl who is so jealous of Lily now sits and stares at the back door, the back fence, sits up all night staring off the bed at the bedroom door...waiting. She waits. I wait. She cries. I cry. Who knew how big that space was going to be? How quiet it would suddenly be. I forget to talk to Iris. I forget she needs, wants to hear my voice because suddenly I can't talk at all and when I do all I can ask her is "Where is Lily?" I forget to breath. as if holding my breath will make a difference.

Lily may be back. What I know now that I didn't know about her before is how big a space one little kitty can fill. And what I have learned about Iris is that she never really wanted to be an only cat.